


Nothing

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Writer’s Month 2019 [5]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Conflicted Kylo Ren, Evil Snoke, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 06:57:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20223706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: The moments before Kylo tortures Poe.





	Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For the prompt “sound”. I have little to no excuse for it being late outside of being blocked.

The only thing that came from the interrogation room even as Kylo walked away was the sounds of Poe demanding to know where Ben was, and at the end of the hallway he froze at the sounds. Poe shouting the occasional request for his assailants to go rot in the Corellian hells, asking again where Ben was. 

“_Where is Ben Solo? Where. Is he?”_

Kylo froze. How could he conceivably say that Ben Solo was still in there, as much as he didn’t want him to be, all but trapped in that armor? His armor was all but a prison of durasteel and darkness, trapping Ben Solo in there while trying to stifle his cries for help. 

It was better that way. He had to get away from Poe. Poe’s pleas — how they burned him, how they burned his skin. There was no going home for him. He was beyond redemption — too much anger inside him, too much hatred and fear. Peace in the Force...how out of reach it seemed...

He walked away, back towards his chambers, suddenly realizing that he would have to interrogate Poe. It was something that he never had been comfortable with — indeed, the first time that he had interrogated someone, he had vomited afterwards. He had hated every moment of it, how the victim had actually screamed in pain. Snoke had congratulated him on it, and though usually Kylo would have lived for the Supreme Leader’s praise, now was not one of those times. 

***

“Forgive me. I feel it again...the call to the Light.”

Kylo Ren sat in his quarters, facing his grandfather’s helmet, the half-melted wreck an old relic from Endor. The mask covered his face, but it couldn’t quite cover up his voice — the too-expressive voice that trembled slightly as it voiced its prayers. 

“Supreme Leader doesn’t sense it,” Ren said. “But I feel it, deep inside. Poe Dameron has come for me. Supreme Leader said...no one would come for me.”

He could still remember Snoke’s words to him. _You think that Dameron would want you after all you’ve done?_ And he was right. No matter how he tried, his hands would never truly be clean. 

"He called me ‘Ben’,” Ren said. His voice shook. “He doesn’t know what I’ve done. He wouldn’t spare a second thought if he did. And he has the map. I could feel it. The old man gave it to him.” Even remembering Tekka dead on the ground —

No. Tekka had deserved it. How dare he bring up that name, the name of a lost little boy named Ben? 

“I’ll have to...” And the thought was almost unspeakable. Thinking of reaching into Poe’s mind and all but snuffing out his light, breaking his mind into little fragments...

But what could he do? Leave? He was trapped there. Trapped in his own choices. Poe wouldn’t...love him if he knew what he’d done. 

Assuming he ever did. Assuming he was worthy. 

And then there was Skywalker. Who had betrayed him. Who had good as stabbed him in the back. The idea of getting revenge on him, of reaching whatever island he’d waltzed off to and snapping his neck...it was too wonderful. Seeing the fear in his eyes — then the light leaving them. It would bring him closure. Skywalker was responsible, all because he’d hated and feared him —

Even in the pools of Vader’s dark, pupilless voids for eyes in his mask, Kylo swore that he saw Skywalker staring back. The look on his face — the creeping of thoughts in his mind that made him wonder if Skywalker thought he was nothing more than a disease —

“Preserve me,” he said, “Give me the strength to do this. I cannot do this alone.”

He could feel the Dark Side all but swirling around him in that moment. He hurt — he was small and hunched over in the storm, feeling the overpowering grief and rage over his circumstance — towards Skywalker for _tearing_ Poe from him. 

_And what of Dameron?_ Snoke’s voice, in his mind. _Don’t you think he’s done wrong too? Don’t you want to see him pay?_

“But he did nothing — ”

_He willingly ate up whatever attention that your mother gave him. He tried to kill you on Tuanul. In addition, he’s complicit with trying to protect a criminal — two if you count Tekka. He looks the part of the savior, but he is poison, through and through_. 

He had tried to kill him. Even remembering that — why would Poe — but he didn’t know who Kylo really was, did he? 

_Your mother abandoned you. Imagine how disgusting and worthless you must be when even your mother wants nothing to do with you._

Kylo swallowed. He must have been an unworthy, worthless thing then and he certainly was now. 

“Mother” was a synonym for “goddess” in Basic, and Leia Organa doubly so. If he was nothing —

_But you can make them pay. Make them both pay. Or do you...love Dameron too much to actually stop your pathetic wallowing and do what must be done?_

His emotions weren’t just tearing him apart — they were all but ripping him open. How dare his mother reject him for something her worthless brother did? How dare Poe be her replacement? Stars, but he loved Poe, and that man, with his no doubt perfect life and having everything, thought Kylo was nothing to him...

Nothing. Something built in him, something that wanted to take him simply being nothing and inflict it on someone, anyone else. To make them hurt. 

To be nothing...

Kylo rose. 

And in the back of his mind, he swore he heard Snoke laughing. 


End file.
